At the outset – I would like to start saying, both men and women work to earn. When we agree to share the economic burden, we should also agree to share the family responsibilities. When this is understood the rest is considered done.
The tide is beginning to turn in the world social order. Traditional family roles are changing as democratic notions creep into the social system. Earlier, it was assumed to be written in stone that the man was the provider in the family and the woman the homemaker. In India, while most of the women may still be fighting against the old order, some have definitely seen the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not just because women are beginning to realize that there is a world outside their kitchen windows. Women are also turning out in large numbers in the work force due to economic necessity.
Women's access to jobs may once have been a political issue, but in today's tough economic climate, working is now a necessity for most mothers. The bulk of families can no longer afford to live on single earning. Despite women's greater participation in the workforce, most men have yet to increase their share of domestic duties. This means that most working mothers are also responsible for housework and looking after their children.
To mark her identity, to be independent, to earn a living, to run her family or to support her husband run the family…; there are numerous reasons today women step out of their home, to work and to earn. Breaking off her traditional image of home maker, women today are taking up new roles and challenges of work and career.
Women takes the responsibilities for both their family life and their job. And, greater challenge faces a woman when she is a working mother. It is therefore important for a woman to organize her life the right way so that she can balance out both her work and family life.
Being a working mom can be extremely challenging. It takes a lot of planning and support to manage a household.
Making the decision
Mothers who have a choice whether to work or not to work must consider many things before they take the decision. First, they need to be clear about their priorities. Does the baby and family come first or is a career and financial security of greater importance? They also must decide whether they would be happy having servants or other family members look after their children. They need to realize that by taking the decision to work, they will probably miss out on all the major milestones of their babies' lives. Mothers need to remember that a job can be very demanding not only in terms of time, but also energy.
They will have to consider the stress factor of the job because it is not easy to cope with the pressures of a high-stress job and the demands of a baby. Women should also discuss their decision to work or not with their spouses because they will need their support. It may help to find a job that has flexi-hours. It will make it easier for mothers to be able to stay home on days when there is no other caretaker for the baby or to leave early if there is an emergency.
When to return to work
"Ideally a working mother should only return to work when her baby is at least one year old. Otherwise, there is a danger that the baby may develop separation anxiety." Experts feel that mothers should wait till they have bonded with the baby and feel confident in their new role as mothers. For women who don't have a choice, it really depends on the amount of maternity leave they can wangle.
Spending quality time
It is not the quantity of time mothers spend with their children but the quality that matters. "A working mother who spends one hour of quality time every day with her child will probably establish a better bond with her child than one who is home nagging the child all the time."
The disadvantages
"Children may feel neglected and seek stimulation outside the house. Servants can look after a child's basic needs, but they cannot be responsible for the child's intellectual, social and emotional development.”
- Mother feel guilty and anxious and their anxiety is transmitted to the child.
- Often working mothers succumb to children's demands very easily because they feel guilty.
Income difficulties
If a mother works, then childcare must be arranged. In some cases, childcare costs can eat up much of the mother's earnings. For low-income families, a second income may leave the family in the same or worse financial position than a single income, simply because the Parenting Allowance is income-tested.
Stress loads are high for working mothers
Women recently surveyed in a health magazine reported that juggling the dual roles of mother and worker is extremely hard. Findings include:
- Over 60 per cent of working mothers feel they take out their stress on their families
- Close to half of all working mothers would prefer to be full-time mothers, while around one fifth would like to work from home
- Just four per cent of working mothers would elect to work full-time if they had the choice
- Nearly eight out of 10 working mothers would quit their jobs if they could
- Housework is still 'woman's work'
- Research indicates that married women with children are worse off than ever before, which is why they are initiating divorce in higher numbers and having fewer children. Some of the findings include:
- Working mothers still perform most of the household chores
- Full-time mothers and women who work full-time have similar working hours
- Working mothers work more hours (paid and unpaid) than working fathers
- Mothers who work part-time have the longest working hours of all
- Most divorces are initiated by women
Sick children
Many working mothers dread the possibility of their child getting sick and needing care during usual business hours. Most employers only provide paid sick leave for unwell employees. This means that many working mothers must take annual leave or unpaid leave to stay home and care for their sick children. Key findings of a study published in Family Matters in 1991 include:
- Even when both parents are working, the responsibility of care for sick children usually falls on the mother
- Some of the reasons for this include that the father earns a higher income, his job responsibilities are deemed more important, and employers are more likely to accept a mother staying home to care for sick children than a father
- Around one in 10 working mothers feel guilty about their childcare arrangements - whatever those arrangements may be - when their child is sick
- Other common cares of sick children - apart from the mother - include grandmothers, other relatives, the usual child care (such as babysitter or creche) and, lastly, fathers.
- Working mothers want more flexible working hours, parental leave, workplace facilities for unwell children, and more understanding from employers
Sex lives
The Centre for Labor Research at Adelaide University conducted a study of 150 working women and discovered, through interviews, that lack of sexual intimacy was a major complaint. Some of the findings of the study include:
- Most working women are too fatigued or stressed to feel like having sex
- Some working women resent their spouses for not doing their share of housework and other domestic duties (such as looking after children), and this anger spills over into the bedroom
- Most working women feel guilty and sad about their lost sex lives
- One solution to the problem is for men to do their fair share around the home
- More flexible working hours for working mothers would also alleviate the burden
Summary of what a working woman face in her daily life, the challenges:
Discrimination at Work
Discrimination starts at the very level of recruitment and interview, where recruiters/interviewers see women incompetent for challenging roles and ask questions like whether you would be able to continue after marriage?
Challenges to Safety, Life and Dignity
Sexual harassment, theft, molestation, eve-teasing, etc. are some of the forms of challenges working women face to their safety, life and dignity.
Non-acceptance of Talent, Offered Disrespect!
A woman going out to work in many societies in seen very lowly and questioned about her character/moral. A working woman who is beautiful or well-maintained or presentable or is friendly with everyone and is progressing in her career instead of being complimented is disrespected and disgusted; is questioned/remarked on her dignity and morals.
Family Duties
In today’s modern era, even after working in the corporate world and after taking up challenging roles of executives/directors/marketing professional/IT professionals, etc.; the age-old image of a woman of being a home-maker is not much changed. Even if she works, comes home tired/has to leave early for office; she is expected to cook food, take care of kids and all other household duties and the male counterparts may volunteer but they hold no responsibilities.
Juggling Between Work, Home, Relationships and Personal Life
Amid all the dilemma and stretch of balancing the job responsibilities, following her passion, going ahead with her aspirations and looking after her family-kids-husband; a woman handles and balances a big lot of stress, which deprives her of peace, rest, sleep, independent though and luxury to be herself.
Ego of Male Counterpart
One of the most tough to handle challenges is to manage and cope with the ego of your male counterpart as wife/partner. Males do support women to go out and work, but somewhere they find it hard to accept the progress and achievement of women whether she is his colleague or life partner.
Inequality as in Provision of Opportunities in Terms of Job Responsibilities, Projects and Organizational Advancement
One of the most unfortunate challenges for women that they are subject to undergo at work despite all their qualifications, skills, talent, hard work and performance; is to be overlooked and low rated in comparison to their male colleagues. This is one reason, why many women must settle down at less challenging jobs than their capabilities/talent, or get stuck at an irrelevant job/field or get stuck at one point of career with no opportunities for further growth, etc.
Low Dignity and No Ownership of Her Own Earning
Mostly women are not seen as independent earners, who command respect and dignity. Instead is a small back-wheel of a heavy vehicle and thus, her role and contribution are mostly over looked. In most of the families, especially middle class, upper middle class and lower middle class; it’s seen that the income of the woman either goes in the hands of her father or husband, rather than in her hands.
New Mummy
When you are a new mummy, you feel that you need to constantly be there for your child so that you can take proper care of him or her.
The work demands usually makes this responsibility of yours a little short-lived, but it’s still your duty to make sure that things run smoothly when you are away at work. Of course, you would feel guilty about not being able to spend much time with your baby, but arranging for someone who can take care of your baby while you are away at work and who is dependable can make things easier for you.
Being a new mummy and a working woman would make you miss out on the exclusive breast feeding that your child needs during the early years of his or her life.
When you are home, try and spend as much time as you can with your child. Spending time with your child lets you and your child bond. And, this is a great time as you get to spend time with your child and provide them with the necessary emotional support they need to grow up.
Mummy
If you have an older child, make sure that you participate in his or her school activities and functions. It is important that you create a great rapport with your child’s teacher so that you can have regular update on how you child is coping up with studies and other activities.
Also, make sure that you give your child the necessary attention when you are home. It can get quite challenging, but it is for the best.
As a working mother, you should be proud that you are getting to be a role model for your child. Working mothers do not have an easy life, but when you know how to handle the added stress and extra pressure you have, it all would seem like an easy life.
“mother guilt”
An extremely common phenomenon that triggers anxiety and low self-esteem in many women who are doing their best to juggle the responsibilities of work and home. Kids aren’t the only ones who feel separation anxiety–moms feel it too.
Many moms report they feel spread too thin and feel they are falling short both at home and at work.
- Understand you are only allowed to feel guilty if you have done something wrong.
- Consider this: If you still feel mother guilt, you are a good mom because you care. And since you are a good mom, there is nothing to feel guilty about.
- Understand there is no perfect mom, only good moms.
- Have a positive mantra and cut yourself some slack. Mine is “I am doing the best that I can, and that is all I can do.”
- Get the help you need and deserve so you have the time and energy to do the things you want to do with your kids.
- Nurture your friendships with other moms.
- Understand, it takes a village to raise a child.
- Appreciate that you are a positive role model for your child.
- Celebrate your competency, strength and resiliency.
The 12 Rule principles: -
12. Yes, that is spit-up on my shirt
Whether it’s spit-up, milk, peanut butter handprints, or other bodily secretions, it always happens when you’re in a rush, when you don’t have any extra clothes, and when you spent precious minutes planning and ironing a showstopper of an outfit. Carry some stain remover to-go in your purse or a trendy scarf and roll with it.
11. I’m running a few minutes late
The morning routine hits a speed bump. A process that should take 5 minutes now has lasted 20 - just keep moving.
10. Nothing goes as planned—Ever
Give yourself an extra 45 minutes on the days when you have something big ahead of you because the uncertainty of the morning routine may leave you feeling flustered and frustrated all before 6 a.m. Murphy’s Law is always in effect for working moms--best to leave time in your plan for unanticipated problems.
9. First person in the office
Use that early time to be productive—you’re already there, make the most of it!
8. Self-care is the first to go
It’s much easier for a mom to sacrifice her own care than her care for others. In the long term, sacrificing self-care is not sustainable. Schedule some time for yourself; it may be the most important thing you do all week.
7. It’s never a convenient time
You must leave immediately to go pick up a sick kid from school. Immediately usually means in the middle of an important meeting or getting back home for an emergency.
6. Use sick leave to take care of sick children
Three days often turns into six because after taking care of sick children, there is a high likelihood that mom will get sick as well.
5. We worry—about everything
Working Women worry what people will think of us in the office - All this worry is wasted energy.
4. Setting boundaries isn’t a luxury; it is a priority for working mothers
Without boundaries and guardrails for how and with whom we invest our energy, it becomes very difficult to create any sort of harmony between work and home. Boundaries are a must for working moms.
3. Feeling guilty about the boundaries set
Question whether these boundaries will prevent us from excelling in our career. Question whether they are the best boundaries to support our mission as mothers. Make exceptions to these boundaries all too often. When you feel yourself sliding, take a moment to think about who and what matter most and reset those boundaries.
2. “Mommy guilt” is a real thing.
Mommy guilt is the type of feeling that creates knots in our stomach, leaves us crying in the car on the way to work, or crying in the airport when your flight is delayed. Mommy guilt shows up any time of the day and night. The most important thing is to acknowledge it and ask yourself, “Am I okay with the decision I’m making?” The mommy guilt will not necessarily go away but you may find that you could do things a little different to better manage this feeling. Remember, it’s not the time that you spend with someone, it’s the energy you bring to the time that you have.
1. Number One Truth: We can do it.
One hug, a thank you or “let me help you” can be the greatest gift you can give to another working mother. Give these gifts and support one another on this blissfully chaotic journey.
Challenges faced by single working moms
Parenting is not easy and for single parent it is more of a challenge. Children of single parents are in no way inferior to children having both the parents. Life of a working mother who is single is quite challenging. However, there are lot of working mothers who are managing their children and homes successfully.
Single motherhood comes with a unique set of emotional challenges that can, at times, feel overwhelming and are best understood by women who share them. Countless other moms grapple with the same issues – from self-doubt and anxiety over money to the stress of making decisions alone – and they've come up with some creative solutions that may work for you too.
Raising a family is difficult enough. But it's even more difficult for single parents struggling to make ends meet. They don't need more obstacles. They need more opportunities. There are various dilemmas which single working mothers may face while raising their children single headedly. Sometimes it seems all too much for one person to handle, so then you need to make the time for yourself.
You may, for the moment, be your own sounding board. Talk to your friends. Discuss with them your apprehensions and problems. Use other mothers as your sounding board. Sometimes your friends can be the best family you have. Rest assured that this period of your life will not last forever.
Many families, are headed up by a single parent (both male and female representatives). Personal circumstance, divorce, abandonment, even death, leaves the main custodial, remaining parent having to cope with all the care-giving, nurturing, role-modeling, challenges, rewards, obstacles and joys meant for a partnership of TWO!
It can be overwhelming and wonderful, nightmarish and extremely tough – all at once. Here are just some of the major, initial challenges most single parents face:
- Coping with loss (of a partner, lover, friend and fellow-parent)
- Assuming additional roles and responsibilities (being everything to everyone)
- Enabling and Adjusting to the new role and circumstances
- Dealing and coping with own emotions and changed condition
- Battling societal prejudice and stigma of single-parent homes and care-giving
- Adequate care and fostering the needs of the children
- Maintaining self-confidence and low self-esteem
- Balancing effective parenting with career (work/home) life
Juggling kids' schedules and work demands is challenging enough when you're the only parent in the house, your job is that much harder. Despite the challenges, single parents are often some of the most committed employees because they aren't just the major breadwinners in the house, but the only breadwinners.
Employers and HR can help facilitate parenting logistics
By helping make single parents' lives calmer and easier, they can become more productive workers. Few things that would benefit your single parent employees as they manage the chaos of work and home better:
Offering a place to bring a child who is too sick to go to school and yet too young to stay home alone would relieve one of the biggest challenges for working single parents. Having backup care services as an employee benefit gives employees peace of mind and lets them get on with work.
- Companies and HR need to start with training their managers on handling workplace issues, if managers have some understanding of the issues single parent employees face, they will be able to have an open conversation with employees when something comes up.
- Offering more work-life programs is beneficial. Having those programs or classes during a lunch hour and not after work (when child care can be a problem) is even better. Make sure your work-life programs address these needs. Ask your single parent employees about the stressors they face and then develop programs to help.
- Helping single parents find support in creative ways to get that extra help and not overlook that single and married parents share the same challenges. A parenting co-op through colleagues, where parents trade hours for hours, offers a reliable solution for all parents. The idea can even extend to rides for employees who live in the same area.
- Workplace flexibility that offers the chance to work from home or to have an alternative schedule (maybe four 10-hour days, for example) helps single parents juggle all their commitments. If employees find the workplace unfriendly to their needs, they'll likely look somewhere else for a job.
Single mothers are probably the strongest people in the world, not only because they raise children on their own, but also because they must find a way to single-handedly provide for the family. They must find happiness for themselves and their children as well.
Just because you have the responsibility of raising your children on your own, does not mean that you should let it bog you down. To make life easier and more comfortable for yourself and your children, all you must do is find the best way to deal with challenges, make quick (but not impulsive) decisions and act on them. For a single mother, just like any mother, the top priority is raising her kids well.
10 Ways Moms Can Balance Work and Family
1. Let Go of the Guilt
2. Find Quality Childcare
3. Make the Mornings Easier
4. Create and Organize a Family Calendar
5. Communicate with Your Employer
6. Stay Connected During the Day
7. Limit Distractions and Time Wasters
8. Create Special Family Activities
9. Spend Time with Your Partner
10. Create Moments for Yourself
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